


After effect

by SassyNightCat



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-04-13 15:19:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4527123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassyNightCat/pseuds/SassyNightCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was the 5th of November, 2188 CE. </p><p>The commander, now more of a legend than a real person, was finally released from Alliance Navy medical care. Patched up and rehabilitated to the best of their abilities.<br/>Some might argue that it was far too early for a release, but the doctors insisted that the Commander was fine. If someone wanted to keep her cooped up for longer they were welcome to try.<br/>Crowds of press and fans had gathered outside the clinic to greet their savior, and they were all sorely disappointed when they learned that she had escaped them all to an unknown destination.</p><p>That location was Omega.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The steam was so heavy and hot in the bathroom that it almost made it difficult for her to breath, but she couldn't care less. She leaned against the warm tiles and ran her lathering hands over her body and through her hair.

Free.

Finally. She was free.

She breathed in the steam and turned her face towards the stream of hot water that was gushing out of the faucet in the ceiling. She could feel the hospital grime just wash away, and the tension from her time there with it. It was done. The Reapers had been dealt with.

A gust of cold air told her that the door to the bathroom had been opened, and the velvety voice that broke through the clouds of steam made her smile;

“So... Are you planning to use up all of Omegas hot water? I was planning to take a shower myself some time today,”

Aria T'Laok. The one woman, probably the one being, in the galaxy that Shepard thought might keep up with her.

“Why don't you join me?” Shepard replied with a wry tone filled with not so subtle hints.

Aria chuckled, but the door closed and after a moment Shepard could see the confident asari come out of the steam clouds.

“Since you asked so nicely,” Aria purred and pushed Shepard up against the wall.

Shepard had chills running down her spine as she gazed into the dark fires that blazed in Arias eyes. This.

This was someone on her level.

Shepard borderlined headbutted Aria into a kiss and wrapped her arms tightly around the Queen of Omega, and she could feel Arias biotic power unleashing as their minds melded.

Neither was fond of talking. There was things that needed to be shared though.

The connection they felt, the passion and the commitment.

Shepard had sensed it ever since she had helped Aria take back Omega, this was merely confirmation.

Flashbacks from both their lives, the events in London, the choices Shepard had been forced to make there. Events and choices that had made Aria the asari she was. It was all there.

Then they were back in the bathroom, Arias blue skin sleek and glistening from the water and steam and pressed up against Shepard.

“You are welcomed to stay,” Aria said as she took half a step back and reached for the soap “Omega can use an extra pair of guns that are loyal to me. Your guns are amongst the most effective I know of,”

Shepard gave her a nod and a smiled and said on a sarcastic tone;

“Almost as good as yours, huh? I mean I just missed the amount of Reapers you took down on foot right?”

Aria scoffed, and glared at Shepards direction;

“You might surpass me in big kills, Shepard, but while you ran around being the Council and Alliances lapdog I built an emporium,”

“Yeah, an emporium I helped your ass to save a couple of times,” Shepard noted with a grin.

“Fuck you,” Aria scoffed and snatched up Shepards hand when she tried to grab the asaris ass.

“That,” Aria noted “Is just for the Shepard that plays nice,”

“Oh come on,” Shepard moaned “I'm nice, just pointing out facts. And where the fuck were I supposed to go? Nobody else was going to do what needed to be done to save the galaxy. Mind you, it would be god damn hard to run Omega with the Reapers killing everybody,”

“True” Aria concluded and gave Shepard a short but passionate kiss “Fine, I'll say thanks. Thank you,”

“Does that thanks come with benefits?”

“You are one impatient human,”

“Well.. yeah.. haven't you watched the vids? Darling, I hung up on the Council when they took to long to give me my way. Imagine what I'll do to you,”

“Well, I on the other hand will be just as likely to snap your hands off if I get tired of them” Aria mused and Shepard laughed.

This was why she liked Aria. She understood, she was the same.

“You won't get tired of them. I promise,” Shepard replied and slid down the wall onto the floor.

Aria didn't comment, but simply washed herself and glanced down at the human sitting there watching her in her shower;

“Are you just going to sit there?”

“Yeah. I don't mind the view at all,”

“Of course you don't. It is the best view on this station. I don't have all night though, some of us have a station to run, so if you want to do more then watch this view then you will have to get a move on,”

Shepard smiled. She wanted to. Lord knows how much she wanted to, but the reason she had slid down into a sitting position was because she felt weak. Nothing she was going to admit, but still something she took seriously.

She still wasn't fully back from being almost killed again.

“I'll save that first amazing moment with me for you until you can savor it,” she replied and Aria kicked her softly on her arm.

“Tease,” the asari muttered as she turned of the water and stepped out of the shower “Here, take a towel,”

A soft fluffy towel landed over the commander and she waited until she heard the door close and Aria walking away on the other side of it until she stood up with some help from the wall beside her. The steam was lifting from the room as it cooled down and she stared at herself in the mirror.

Scarred like a street fighting varren, her once brown eyes were now read cybernetics, her dark red hair almost black when wet and clinging to her face. She sighed and dried herself off before leaving the bathroom and stepping out in Arias quarters.

The layout was exactly what Shepard always had thought the layout of Arias home would be. Defensible, uncluttered, luxurious and with a great view over Afterlife.

“I got you some clothes,” Aria called out from another room “I figured your fashion sense always fell on practical so I hope you don't mind,”

Shepard raised an eyebrow and dug through the pile of clothes that laid on the bed in the room she was in.

She smiled a bit. Aria seemed to have gone through some trouble getting those clothes for her.

It was her old N7 hoodie, a pair of Alliance Navy cargo pants, suspiciously sexy lace underwear and combat boots.

“They are fine,” she called back “Where did you find my hoodie?”

“Oh it was on auction about 2 days after you had taken down the Reapers. When people still said you were dead. The most god damn expensive sweatshirt I've ever bought, so be greatful I like you!”

Shepard made a mental note that Aria must have bought it while still having no information of Shepards survival, but said nothing.

It felt good slipping into it again, something familiar and safe. She knew it was her hoodie the moment she felt that worn spot she had made fiddling with the sleeve with her thumb.

“Ah, good it fits,”

Aria stood in the doorway watching her with a small smile on her face.

“You are quite cute when you lose yourself in thought, Shepard,”

Shepard turned red and growled;

“I'm not cute,”

The asari laughed and came over handing her a mealbar;

“You should eat it. I've made arrangements for us to have dinner on Afterlife, but you look pale,”

“Can't wait to show me off, huh?”

The asari smirked and slid her arms around Shepards hips eying her with the gaze of a predator. Shepard couldn't help but to return the smirk and lean a little on Aria as she dug into the mealbar.

She hated those things, but they were nutrition. As a biotic she had learned early to just eat when she needed to regardless of the taste or consistence of her nutrition.

She felt Aria slowly leaning in and putting her forehead against Shepards neck and leant against her partner some more.

“You won't make dance tonight, right?” Shepard asked as she swallowed the last bit of the mealbar and licked her fingers clean.

Aria grinned and shook her head;

“I don't want to embarrass myself like that. I have seen you dance, Shepard. Just stay seated and drink if you want to. I'll have to teach you though, you can't live here and not know how to move those hips. I imagine private lessons will be the most efficient though, it gives me an opportunity to reward you straight away when you do it right,”

Shepard rolled her eyes but felt a little bit excited of the prospect of getting private dancing lessons from Aria. She imagined Aria was a very skilled dancer. She also imagined she would very much enjoy watching Aria dance in private.

Aria rolled her eyes at her a bit while correcting Shepards hair and then took her hand and led her out of the apartment.

“We are going to eat in the V.I.P section,” she said as they walked up to her car and stepped in with a grace Shepard doubted she would ever obtain “There will be mostly business people of mine, I don't want to overwhelm you,”

“Thanks,” Shepard said dryly as she sat down in the passenger seat “So, dinner with mercs? How many have I tried to kill or have tried to kill me?”

“A few, but that is water under the bridge now. It was all business after all, and I won't be the only friend you have there. Your friend Zaeed have reclaimed the Blue Suns, which is nice. I enjoy working with sensible people. It allows me to save on thermoclips,”

Shepard smiled. This was why she liked Aria so much. She was ruthless and smart, and she knew how to play the game.

“Is it really a good idea for me not to show up in armor though? I can take far more heat when in combat gear than in this,”

“Oh they won't lay a finger on anyone while I'm there,” Aria assured her “Have you forgotten the one rule of Omgea?”

“Don't fuck with Aria,” Shepard answered and smirked “But I am, am I not? Will you have me killed?”

Aria paused for a moment and then laughed, a quiet but genuine laugh.

“I guess you are, or will be anyway. Well, I will allow that kind of fucking with me, but screw me over and no amount of armor will help you,”

Shepard shrugged, she knew it was a fair warning but still... She doubted Aria could take her down. Even on her own she knew she was one of the most dangerous people in this galaxy.

“I hope we won't have to test that statement,” she simply replied and looked out of the window of the car as they flew past the few floors of Omega that separated Arias home from Afterlife.

It looked like it had before she left to fight the Reapers. It felt so strange.

For every minute that passed the last years felt more like surreal dreams than reality.

“I see they didn't hit Omega that hard,” she noted and Aria nodded

“You vanquished them before they got here. They focused on the planets, I guess we weren't big enough for them,”

Shepard simply gave a nod, feeling how she started to zone out. The sounds of the car and their surroundings faded slightly and she lost focus on the outside world.

 

She was back at Earth. Death was everywhere. Everybody was depending on her to save them.

Succeed or it will be the death of everything you know.

That was the stakes.

There was no room to panic, no room to tell everybody to fix it themselves.

Do or die.

Anderssons mangled body. Staring empty down on the burning planet called Earth.

She wanted to slip away, just like he had.

That was not an option though.

She had to do this. One last thing.

To save everyone.

No rest for the wicked.

 

“Oi, Shepard!” Aria shook her back to reality.

They were parked outside of Afterlife. People lining up to party, to maybe catch a glance of Aria.

She could taste their excitement, even though she herself felt numb.

“Don't do that,” Aria sighed and leaned back in her seat “Don't disappear like that,”

“Sorry... it's just... strange. To be here. To see everything just the same. It's like... the Reapers were just a bad dream,”

“Well they weren't. These people are alive and partying because you saved their asses. Will you be okay?”

“I'll be fine. It was just a flashback. The doctors said it could happen. It's bullshit but I'll manage,”

Shepard opened the door and heaved herself out of the car, ignoring the wobble she felt in her legs.

She would not break.

She refused to show weakness.

It was a teaching she had adopted early in life; You will only be weak when you allow yourself to break. Shut up, move on and everything will work out.

She felt Arias eyes laying upon her as she walked around the car and joined the asari for the walk into the nightclub.

She didn't say anything, she didn't have to. Shepard knew that Aria worried that Shepard would break down. That she wasn't the woman that the galaxy had known before she hit earth and saved them.

For Shepard there wasn't a question on who she was anymore, it simply was a question of who she would allow herself to be.

“Don't you dare to fucking worry about me,” she hissed as they entered and she could hear people gasping her name in the cue

Aria nodded and led the way. The asari seemed to meld into her public persona the moment they had arrived outside of the club. That bitchy cold stare and a presence that demanded obedience from everybody in her surroundings.

Her body seemed to move to the beat of the clubs music, as if it were her own heartbeats. Shepard simply straightened up and walked on Arias right side, half a step behind Omegas ruler.

There had been no discussion about it, but Shepard doubted that Aria would allow anyone to walk side by side with her in her own club.

No one was her equal in Afterlife. This was her domain, and hers alone.

People stopped in their tracks when they saw Aria and Shepard.

Mostly Shepard it seemed, it was her name that spread through the club like a wildfire.

A few brave souls hurried up to her, trying to shake her hand and thanking her for her brave actions.

Shepard forced a smile and muttered;

“You're welcome,” and “No worries,” before pressing on after Aria.

Aria glance her way bud did and said nothing.

As they entered the V.I.P she felt drained. She was a soldier not a P.R-person. She had never really liked all the attention, she just wanted to get the job done.

It did feel a little better as she set eyes on the scarred old fart that was hanging at the bar though. Zaeed shined up like a supernova when he saw Shepard and took two long strides over and pulled her into a rough hug;

“There you are, you little brat,” he said and held her on an armslength looking at her “You look like shit,”

“Well, I did fight myself up the citadel and kill every single reaper by exploding the station I was on,” she noted with a tone indicating that it wasn't a big deal.

He smiled and patted her on the shoulder;

“Good job,” he said and then turned to Aria and gave her a nod “You take care of her, Aria, or the Blue Suns won't be so loyal,”

Aria gave him a cold smile and walked towards a booth further in.

“I am pretty sure the commander can take care of herself if need be,” she said as she walked.

“I can,” Shepard answered and followed her, squeezing Zaeeds hand one more time and giving him a smile telling him how glad she was to see him.

 

Aria had already taken her place at the head of the table, and saved Shepard the spot on her right. As Shepard got seated she felt Aria softly stroke her side and caught an encouraging smile as she looked her way.

At the moment she had no idea how much she would need it.

Besides Zaeed and Aria their company for that dinner were crooks and idiots.

Shepard understood how the underworld worked, she had no huge problem with most mercs. They were simply paid to do the shit others didn't have the stomach for. She did, however, have a problem with slavers and kidnappers. A huge problem.

So when a known batarian slaver entered the room she tensed up notably and glared Arias way.

The batarian didn't look to happy either.

“What the fuck is this Aria? You ask me to come in peace and you meet me with the top of your goons, and one of the most infamous of enemies of my people?!”

He was barking at Aria, who looked rather bored. Shepard felt a surge of adrenaline just by looking at him and barked back:

“If your people weren't to dumb to listen I would have saved millions, but I doubt that matters to a god damn slaver like you, Kern,”

“And you bring her to insult my dead people, to question my honor?!”

“No Kern,” Arias voice was calm, as if the boiling Shepard beside her wasn't even there “I asked you here to make sure you understood that if you take one more citizen of Omega, I have the people necessary to hunt you down and make you wish we had just killed you,”

“You can't threaten me like this!”

“It is not a threat, more like a strongly worded warning,” Aria replied without taking her eyes of him for a second “I am sure Shepard will be glad to take your eyes before anything else,”

“I will not be treated like this!” the batarian growled “There are no rules to Omega, you can not tell me what to do you pompous whore!”

A shot rang out in the room. The batarian fell to the floor moaning in agony.

Shepard had taken two steps, one up on the table, one down putting herself between Aria and the batarian. She had pulled the gun out of Brays belt and put a nice big whole in the batarians left knee.

The silence was broken by Arias cold but genuine laughter.

“I see you forgot the first and only rule, Kern,” she mused as she slithered up and put a restricting but approving hand on Shepards shoulder “Don't fuck with Aria. Do you want more wholes? I am sure the commander will be happy to oblige with such wishes, it has been months since she got to shoot anybody,”

Kern glared up at them with hatred in his eyes, but he said nothing.

Shepard scoffed, shook loose of Arias grip and stepped forward, placing her foot on the batarians injured knee slowly putting pressure on it and growled;

“You better take those people back from where you stole them, batarian, and do it quick. I don't care what she say; if those folks aren't home with a fucking fruit basket on their doorsteps saying you are sorry for what you did to them within 24 hours I will hunt you down you and your crew like the rabid vermin you are. Get it?”

He got it. She could see in his eyes that she was serious, and the bravado seeped out of him like air out of a punctured balloon.

She stepped back from him and watched him crawl away. As she returned to the table she gave Bray his gun back muttering;

“Thanks for the loan,” and sat down beside Aria once more.

The asari had laughter and approval in her eyes and with a beaming smile turned to the rest of the table. All but Zaeed looked a bit shocked and quite stunned. Zaeed was just grinning.

“And with that I think we will have to welcome commander Shepard back to Omega,” Aria chuckled ordering in food and drinks for all of them.

Shepard glared at her. She hated feeling used, and she felt very used at the moment.

A power display for Aria in front of her subjects, not too different from how she had used Patriarch when he was around.

As she reached for some more bread she muttered to her dear host;

“Use me like a trophy one more time and I'm fucking gone,”

Aria just smiled, put a hand on her lap and whispered back;

“I am sorry. These fools won't understand anything but brute force though, and you did great,”

“I'm not your new trophy,”

“No,” Aria said looking Shepard straight in the eyes “You are my partner. I needed you to show them that you will take initiative and don't fuck around. You did splendid,”

Shepard hesitated, she didn't trust Aria enough to believe her just like that when she talked about a partnership. It had still been an act that strengthened Aria, and showed that Shepard followed Arias tune more than an act showing her own strength.

Aria saw those doubts and sighed, but she didn't say anything else but returned to talk to her other guests and to business.

Shepard just sank into the background and watched the evening unfold. She was not happy at all.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter involves violence, alcohol and sex. It is what it is. You have been warned, if you needed to be.

The moment they got back to Arias apartment she walked off and punched a wall. Aria just scoffed and rolled her eyes at her.  
“Don't fucking patronize me,” Shepard growled “I will not be your pet! Do you hear me!? I saw what you did to Patriarch, I know what purpose he served! So you will tell me now if that is your plan! Because then I'm hitching a fucking ride with Zaeed of this god damn rock!”  
“To where?” Aria coolly asked “Back to the Alliance? To do press talks for the rest of your life? To be shipped of to some alliance retirement home for unsociable heroes?”  
“Don't. Fucking. Don't,” Shepard said with such heat Aria looked surprised.  
“You are acting like a child!” the asari groaned “I'm not using you. I couldn't warn you, we needed them to see you acting as you do. Kicking ass and taking names. Don't be a paranoid idiot. I told you, we are partners,”  
“Why would you share Omega? You wouldn't. It's just words,” Shepard was fuming, throwing the few things she had into her bag and getting ready to leave.  
She was done being used.  
“Shepard, stop!” Aria sighed and tossed the bag over the room with a flip of her hand “Are you kidding me with this?”  
“Are you!?”  
“I thought you would be able to deal with some improv. I did not do it to establish you as my new pet. I did it to make them see that you weren't to be fucked around with. There are many doubting that you are as bad ass as you were. That doubt was dealt with tonight, now I won't have to worry about mercs showing up cornering you when I'm out. They know, and I know, that such idiocy would just kill them and leave you angry,”  
Shepard paused for a moment and looked across the room at Aria.  
She had relaxed back into one of the couches and looked at Shepard with cool, steady eyes.  
“Well you sure framed it to make me act in a way that made me look like your leashed varren,” Shepard muttered and jumped up on the couch opposite of Aria.  
Aria shrugged.  
“The horror of showing unity,” she muttered with deep seated sarcasm “He was an ass anyway, I'm didn't actually think you were going to pull a stunt like that. Threaten violence maybe, but to jump the table, steal a gun and shoot him? Even I was surprised. Pleasantly so, but still surprised,”  
“Don't fuck around with me,” Shepard growled, still angry and upset.  
Aria rolled her eyes but nodded.  
“The complaint is noted. Damn... Aren't you a bitch to please? Are you done yapping?”  
“You aren't making this better,”  
Aria sighed and left the room. Shepard got her bag and left.  
She wasn't going to stay around to have Aria treat her like that. She wasn't some scrawny street kid people could yank around as they pleased. Not anymore.  
She was bloody commander fucking Shepard.  
It didn't matter that she had nowhere to go at the moment. She would figure it out. Fuck she could commandeer a ship if that was what it took, get a crew together and do what ever she fucking wanted to do.

She reached the docks of Omega angry as a bee and with a cloud black as space hoovering over her head. Fucking Aria. Fucking batarians. It had been so good just a few hours before. She just had to pull something like that and destroy it all didn't she?  
Shepard kicked a wall and uttered a long colorful string of curses as she looked for some Blue Suns she could get intel from.  
Zaeed would get her of this station. He could always be trusted.  
Her plans were interrupted by the voice of someone else though. Kern.  
“Alone I see. So shall we finish this, great Commander Shepard?”  
“Fuck off, Kern. I'll kill you this time,” she muttered and glared at him.  
Of course the coward hadn't come alone. Three other batarians stepped out of the shadows.  
She didn't flinch. She was to angry to flinch or have second thoughts on taking these idiots on by herself.

A biotic is never unarmed.

She didn't wait for him to spew into some long monologue or to tell his men to kill her. She charged him and put a nova right at his feet grabbing his gun as he flew into his men by the shockwave her biotic combo had unleashed.  
It was a short and brutal fight. The batarians had not expected such resistance, and she was reacting more out of instinct then to what they did.  
She emptied her mag of thermoclips into Kern, threw a shockwave on the batarians he had not flung into and double stepped around those batarians punching one of them in the face and grabbing his gun. That gun she used to shoot his friend to then in a flowing movement brake the gun-holding batarians arm making him drop the gun, shooting him with one clip in the head and turning to those she had shockwaved.  
Rounds were flying around her but she didn't care. She could feel one hit her, but it only fueled her rage. One charge later she was standing in their midst and executing them one by one.  
As they all laid dead on the ground she took a deep breath and heard running footsteps.  
It was more a reaction seated in her childhood then any rational decision, but the commander took a few quick steps and hid before the steps reached her.  
Her side was burning like hell, and she could feel that she was bleeding.  
No wonder, since she was without armor still.  
“Where the fuck is she? Find her you jelly brained idiots! She is hurt and bleeding,”

  
It was Zaeed. She tried to draw a sigh of relief but the pain had begun to break through the adrenaline.

  
“I'm here,” she said stepping forward and he took one good look at her and swore.  
“What the fuck are you thinking?” he barked “Getting out here unarmed and in a fucking sweatshirt?”  
“Just get me some medigel will you?” she mumbled and leaned on a create.  
He grumbled but came up to her applying it through his omnitool.  
“You are god damn lucky I found you,”  
“Hah,” she tried to laugh “It's just the good old Shepard fate thing. I can't die. You know that. I will get as damn close to it as possible, possibly even die, but I'll get back up again. I'm like a fucking clockwork,”  
He didn't reply, just shot her a disapproving glare and handed her a pistol.  
“Here, you shouldn't go around without a firearm on Omega. This isn't the bloody Citadel,”  
“I managed, didn't I?”  
“Dumb luck” he grumbled “Why aren't you at Arias getting snogged?”  
“Because I'm not a fucking pet,”  
“Fighting already? Damn girl... You really are a piece of work,”  
“Maybe. I'm also not some trophy she can set on fucking batarians that displeases her. I want you to get me of this shit station. Get me... somewhere... like.. fuck I don't know. Anywhere,”  
Zaeed looked at her, with a weird kind of sympathy in his eyes and turned to his men.  
“You are dismissed. I'm going to take the Commander out for a few drinks,”  
They obeyed and left.  
Left in the docking bay with the dead bodies of a handful of batarians was Zaeed and Shepard.  
She stared down into the floor and he sighed, like an old man seeing a young person making young person mistakes.  
“Come, I'll get you a drink and then you will talk,” he muttered and slapped her on the shoulder.  
She stood still, staring at the floor.  
“Come on,” he barked “I won't bloody carry you there,”  
With a sullen sigh she followed him down into the lower parts of Omega and Blue Sun territory.

  
He took her to what she assumed was a standard hangout for him and the Suns. A shitty little bar, it was possibly more of their hang out and the bar was just some kind of excuse for them to loiter in a public space.  
Zaeed either way got them a secluded table and drinks. Shepard downed two shots of tequila before he had even begun to talk.  
She hated these things. People trying to talk to her. Trying to get all touchy feely. She wanted to be alone when she was mad or sad. She wanted to punch something really hard until she felt better again.  
“So, you're mad at her because she made you feel like her newest pet?” he asked and poured Shepard another shot.  
“Yup”  
Down the hatch it went.  
He poured her another without as much as a raised eyebrow.  
“What did she say when you told her it made you mad?”  
“That it wasn't true. What else would she tell me? She knew I'd leave if she admitted to it,”  
She swept the fourth shot as she spoke. Zaeed gave her a small nod and poured her fifth.  
“Didn't you anyway?”  
“Yeah but.. that's because I know she was lying to me. And she treated me like shit. Telling me I overreacted and was acting bitchy,”  
The shot burned as it ran down her throat.  
“Were you?”  
“Oh come on Zaeed! Lay off the fucking shrink act. I was mad, do you think I acted like miss fucking congeniality? It doesn't matter. I.. I'm done. So fucking done. I'm not her pet. I'm not a trophy and I didn't come here to be used as a fucking varren to scare off unwanted guests,”  
“So why did you come?”  
“I...” she hesitated.  
He sat there, calmly looking at her and she felt a bit dumb.  
She had come to join Aria. To live on Omega side by side with her.  
Shepard knew this was the one place where she would be able to somewhat fit in. The post-war world wasn't anything for her. Humanity and the galaxy didn't need her anymore.  
They needed someone who could rebuild all that had been lost, and she wasn't that person.  
All she knew was to kill and destroy her enemies, and the galaxy had seen enough death during the last few years.  
“I get that she hurt your pride,” Zaeed said “I guessed that would happen as soon as I saw you on that meeting, but this is Omega. It's her world,”  
“Still,” Shepard moped “I won't fucking just take it,”  
“I don't expect you to,” Zaeed replied sliding another glass over the table “I would be worried for you if you did. Hell, the day you just steps down and take anything from anybody I'll be worried. You are the toughest meanest broad I know, Aria included,”  
Shepard stayed silent and sipped on her shot. She was starting to feel a bit sick.  
Zaeed watched her for a moment and let out a loud sigh;  
“Did you really think it would be puppies and rainbows from now on?”  
“No. I just didn't... expect that. She gets me. She would never allow anybody to that to her, so why did she think it was okay to do to me?”  
“I don't know. Maybe she hasn't had a partner for a while and have forgotten how to act with people as if they were her equals,”  
The snark in Zaeeds tone was not even subtle and Shepard glared back at him.  
“I'm... I know how to do that,”  
“Come on Shepard, who are you trying to kid? You wouldn’t even take orders when you were in the military!”  
“I would! If they weren't dumbass orders or if I didn't have a better plan myself already!”  
He just shook his head at her and mumbled;  
“How you managed to rise up the ranks of the alliance I will never know,”  
“Because I'm fucking good at what I do, that's why. Because when everybody else pussies out and starts running around in panicky circles I get that shit done,” she replied with heat “Because you don't fuck with me!”  
He just sat there, quietly smiling as she contemplated her own words for a moment.  
“I do sound like her, don't I?” she mumbled and he gave her a nod  
“Pretty much like a record I'd say. You are two peas in a pie. You will butt heads, you are too alike not to. I doubt she meant to hurt you though. Aria cares for you, even if she wouldn't admit that even if you tortured her. She isn't much for going all touchy feely. I bet you could be great though, if you work out the kinks,”  
Shepard sighed and rested her head in her hands for a moment. Zaeed patiently sat there and waited for her to reach her own conclusions. He knew how it was to be young, full of oneself and still out of place.  
“She'll have to apologize,” Shepard finally said glancing up at him to try and read his reaction.  
He didn't look like he believed Aria would.  
“I won't come crawling back when she was the one who did the first fault,”  
“Pride and being stubborn won't get you much happiness,” the old veteran said and took his own shot “But that is your decision to make, not mine,”  
She was about to answer him when Bray came up to their table giving her a bit of a tired look;  
“Shepard, Aria wants you to come to Afterlife. I suggest you get there, now,”  
“I'll talk to Aria when she stops sending fucking messengers to fetch me like a dog,” Shepard replied and Bray sighed.  
He didn't argue, since he knew it was just a waste of air, but sighed and walked off to bring her answer to Aria. No matter how much he didn't want to.  
“Very mature,” Zaeed commented when Bray was out of earshot and Shepard scoffed  
“Yeah, because I'll just run to her as soon as she tells me to. That's not how this shit is going to work,”  
“How else is she going to contact you?” Zaeed asked and Shepard frowned for a moment gesturing towards her arm where her omnitool usually was.  
Was.  
She hadn't gotten a new one yet. The Alliance hadn't gotten her one since she had been in a hospital under strict supervision and there had been no omnitool waiting for her with her clothes.  
“Fuck” she muttered “Lend me yours,”  
Zaeed sighed and shook his head  
“I need mine. I'll get you your own, give me a few minutes,”  
He rose and walked off to talk to some of the Suns while Shepard sat by their table feeling like an idiot.  
No armor, no freaking omnitool. A god damn pistol and nothing more. Well, a new hole in her favorite hoodie.  
This was one piss night. That was for sure.  
The omnitool Zaeed brought back was some leftover shit, a model older then any she had used since she was a recruit in the navy. She didn't complain though, she simply slapped it on and started to program it with her details.  
“Do you know her frequency?” she asked and he nodded, giving her the frequency Aria had given him for Blue Suns business.  
“Zaeed is that you?” Aria sounded pissed.  
“No, it's me,” Shepard said, trying to not sound too irritated herself.  
“I thought you said you wouldn't contact me until I came personally?”  
Arias voice was like ice.  
Shepards sigh was exasperated.  
“I meant that I won't come running like some fucking dog just because you tell me to. Especially when you are the one at fault. Also, I realized I didn't have an omnitool you could contact me on. I got one now though, so you can stop sending messengers,”  
There was a moment of silence, and then a frosty;  
“I will. Also; it's not like you will believe when I tell you I'm sorry are you?”  
Shepard gave Zaeed a meaning look of frustration and he shrugged his shoulders at her.  
“Well convinced me then,” Shepard muttered “Do you think I'm fucking dumb? I know what you did. Just fucking admit it and promise you won't do it again. Or something. I don't know,”  
“Is Zaeed there?”  
“Yeah. He is,”  
Aria fell silent and Shepard was just about to hang up on her when the asari said;  
“I've gotten us a private channel, could you find the kindness to go somewhere private when we talk?”  
“Fine,” Shepard sighed and rose from the seat.  
The world was a bit wobbly, but she was fine. Taking in to regard that she had just downed a handful of tequila shots.  
“Shepard, you shouldn't”  
“But I will, Zaeed. I'm not a child. I can take care of myself,”  
She walked away, through the streets of Omega. Aria called her up within minutes.  
“Were are you know? I can't peg your tool,”  
“It is a shitty old model, I bet it doesn't even have a system for pegging,” Shepard mumbled “Somewhere in Blue Sun territory,”  
“Guess Kern won't get you there either way...”  
Shepard chuckled.  
“Oh he won't get me ever,”  
“Why?” Arias voice was dripping with suspicion.  
“Oh he tried to take me on with some of his men when I was at the docks. He is dead now. As are those men he sent on me,”  
“And you? You sound a bit slurred. Don't tell me you are out there bleeding to death or something,”  
“Nope. Just a bit drunk. Zaeed patched me up. I need to get the sweatshirt stitched though. One bastard hit me... with a bullet. A few hit me with their fists, but I can take that,”  
Aria sighed and uttered a few well chosen curses.  
“Get your ass up here, Shepard, let me take a look at it,”  
“Nope,”  
“You are... okay! Fine! I'll do it; Please Shepard, will you please come home? I am sorry I hurt you and now I'm worried,”  
Shepard sighed, Aria sounded sincere, and a bit annoyed which was to be expected.  
And she was getting tired. Maybe she had overreacted? It wasn't like she didn't see the need for what Aria had done if one tried to take in Arias perspective. She was still pissed though.  
“I'll come...” she muttered and steered her steps to the nearest shuttle.

  
Aria was working when she arrived back at the apartment, writing messages on her datapad and barely looked at Shepard when she came in the door.  
Shepard sighed and walked into the bathroom, examining her injuries. They weren't too bad. Her face was a bit swollen, and the wound to her side needed some more attention but she had been through worse.  
“Is this going to be a problem?” Aria asked from her desk  
“What?”  
“You taking off as soon as you get pissed at me,”  
“...Maybe. I don't know. I'm...” Shepard sighed and stared at herself in the mirror “Will you showing me off like a trophy be an issue?”  
“I'll try to avoid it. Since you are so sensitive about it,” Aria replied in a dry voice “You do understand the need for you to seem in control and as dangerous as ever though, don't you?”  
“Yeah, yeah,” Shepard sighed and went towards the kitchen to fetch something cold for her face “What are you doing?”  
“Booking bands. I own a nightclub you know. Will you need a doctor?”  
“Nah, it's just a flesh wound. No internal damage or broken bones that need adjusting. I'll just clean it up, stitch it together and apply some more medigel and I'll be fine,”  
She found a frozen packet of peas and slapped it on her face before heading back to the bathroom looking for a needle and thread.  
She found none.  
“Aria, where do you keep your needles and thread?”  
“Along with my stone tools for making fire,” Aria replied and Shepard heard her get up and come her way “Let me look at it,”  
Shepard made a face, but lifted her shirt and flinched a bit when Aria carefully examined the wound.  
“I have a burner in the office, I think it's shallow enough to just burn closed and apply some gel,” Aria noted after a moment “Do you humans truly still sow your wounds together?”  
“..Well.. I do..” Shepard mumbled “When I don't have a doctor close by,”  
“I'll get you a new sweatshirt too,” Aria mumbled fiddling a bit with the whole in Shepards shirt.  
“Don't” Shepard sounded far to distressed than she had planned “I'll fix it. It's just a small bullet hole. It won't be noticeable when I'm done. I need some needles and threads though,”  
Aria gave her a confused frown but let it go. Simply nodding and sending a quick message to one of the traders in the market that she needed some needles, thread and a few other knicknacks. While they waited for that to arrive Aria got her burner out from the drawer in her office and sealed Shepards wound.  
It reminded Shepard of a laser pointer, but far warmer, that Aria pointed at the wounds and then Shepard did her best not to scream.  
It hurt.  
In hindsight she thought it was only logical, as the burner did exactly what it said it would. It burned her wound together.  
Aria smiled a quick approving smile when she was done and applied the soothing medigel.  
“You're though, I'll give you that. I've had Bray faint on me a few times when I've had to do that to him. You just stood there taking it with a clenched jaw,”  
Shepard tried to smile about it. It was hard when she felt like her side was going to burst into flames though. She suspected that the shots of tequila helped.  
Arias hand stayed on her hip, and they stood there for a moment watching each other.  
“Are we good?” Aria asked and Shepard shrugged.  
“I'm still not totally convinced, but I'll give you the benefit of doubt for the moment. I... I want this to work. I can't see myself anywhere else but at your side and well... I prepared to work on this to make that a lasting reality,”  
“That's reasonable,” Aria said and tentatively put her other hand on Shepards neck.

Shepard smiled, leaned the few inches forward she needed too, and kissed Aria.  
It was a soft, forgiving kiss which the asari shortly turned hot and steamy.  
Her whole body tingled with lust as Arias hands found their way along her skin and grinned as her partner nudged her towards the bed.  
Being pushed down into the sheets by Aria was even better than she had thought, and the advantages of having a centuries old partner soon got very obvious.  
Despite the bruises and sore muscles the sheer touch of Arias lips made her moan from anything but pain. She tried to return the favor, to kiss any part of Aria really but the asari firmly pushed her head down and smiled, her voice sounding more like a purr than ever;  
“Just relax, Shepard. You'll get your go, just let me show you in away that is real how much I have missed you,”  
Shepard trembled, and obeyed. Relaxing into the bedding and stroking Arias head eagerly as the asari moved further and further down on Shepard exploring every inch with her lips.  
Shepard tried to keep it cool, to somewhat control the gasps and moans slipping from her lips but it was futile. For every sound she kept inside Aria grew more determined and eager to make her lose herself completely to the act. There would be no resistance, nothing held back.  
She bit her lip so hard she punctured it when Arias fingers separated her labias and started massaging her way towards the vagina.  
“oh for fucks sake..” Shepard gasped and decided enough was enough.  
She used a grapple move, locking Aria where she was with her hips and put her next to Shepard instead, more or less pulling her partner up so they where face to face. Arias hand didn't move, it continued to massage her. Panting and with her blue eyes wild with pleasure Shepared plunged her lips onto Arias cobolt blue neck and pressed herself against her body while she winced with pleasure. Her hands greedily wandered over Arias body and she smiled as Aria gasped when she started massaging one of her breasts with one hand while the other found its way down to the vulva and started returning the favor.  
It was unlike any sex Shepard had ever had, with Liara it had always been so tender and somewhat hesitant. Like one always needed to gain permission before making a new move. Aria was confident, her signals clear. There was no need for hesitation. There was just passion and a fluid interaction. They thrived on the reaction of the other and Shepard was lost to it all.  
She didn't notice how her biotics unchecked started to react to the stimuli, nor did she really pay attention to the familiar tingle of dark energy swirling around her skin, or the slight surprise in Arias eyes when she noticed.  
She did notice and approve of Aria pushing her back down and giving her a kiss so deep and long that she almost went out of breath, and the asari starting to nibble and suck on her nipple.  
She was so near a climax, scratching Arias velvet smooth blue skin as her toes curled up grabbing the sheets and moaned on borderline roared her partners name.  
Arias eyes twinkled, that was the only warning Shepard got, than the Asari shot up so they were face to face again, kissed her and mumbled;  
“I'll show you real eternity,”  
There was a unloading of dark energy and Shepards mind was overcome. It was not the gentle merge she was used to, as it had been earlier that day, nor that she had had with Liara. This was Aria pulling her into her own mind and their sensations becoming one. She could hardly breath, her senses were overloading with pleasure and for a moment she thought;  
If this is it, I have nothing but envy for those Ardat-Yakshi kill  
There was complete ecstasy, and then they were back in the room.  
Shepard felt numb, an amazing numbness based on ecstatic exhaustion rather than her usual adrenaline stinted near death exhaustion. She rolled over and in awe stroke Arias body contours, unsure of how her senses could feel so different.  
It was like everything was covered in a misty velvety haze, the air felt easier to breath and she felt at peace. It was a strange feeling, a feeling she had forgotten if she had ever felt it before.  
Aria watched her with a strange gaze. It was inquisitive, and soft. She looked almost like another asari when she was so relaxed. Younger, softer.  
Shepard cuddled up to her, placing a soft kiss on Arias cheek and whispered;  
“Well.. that was goddamn amazing...”  
“Glad you thought so too,” Aria replied and embraced Shepard tightly.  
Neither had been a cuddlers before, but there and then it felt so right. To lay there, in each others arm and just relax for a few hours. Shepard drifted to sleep there on Arias shoulder, her scarred and bruised body intertwined with Arias.

 

_She was back on Earth. No. Somewhere else. Everything was black and gray. She could hear that horrible sound of the Reapers. Black, cloudy ghosts hoovered over the ground and she felt the air leave her lugns as they clammed up in panick._   
_No._   
_This was over._   
_It was over._   
_“Shepard,”_   
_Mordin. Fuck.. she should had gone up there. She should had saved him._   
_“Shepard,”_   
_Anderssons voice. She had not been able to save him._   
_“Shepard,”_   
_Kaidan. Damn..._   
_“Shepard”_   
_Thane._   
_"Shepard Commander?"_   
_Legion_

_She didn't run, there was no little boy to save. She just sank to her knees and felt the air she tried to breath in stop at the top of her throat. Her throat was stitched together, she couldn't breath._

_"Shepard?"_  
 _EDI._  


_All dead. Because of her. She was burning. It would never end. She would always be dying, but never die._

A burning pain woke her up. She almost struck out to hit who ever had attacked her.  
Aria looked at her, the deep blue eyes showing serious worry.  
“You started to panic and refused to wake up. Are you okay?”  
Shepard flinched and forced herself into control. Her jaw was aching, not from the slap but from how hard she had bitten down on it during her sleep.  
“I'm fine,” Shepard replied and swept the bed-cover around her body and left the bed.  
Was this how it was going to be? She hadn't had natural sleep since before she hit London to deal with the reapers. The doctors had always sedated her to make her sleep long periods while her body healed.  
Was this... She hesitated and stared at herself as she passed by a mirror in the hallway leading to the bathroom.  
Pale. Scarred. Her eyes glistening red in the darkness along side her orange facial scars.  
Aria came up behind her and followed the commanders gaze into the mirror.  
“Tell me what's up, Shepard”  
“...Nothing,”  
“I will beat you if you keep lying,”  
“Just a bad dream. I haven't fallen asleep unsedated since... London,”  
Aria gave her a nod and squeezed her shoulder a bit before moving past and into the kitchen.  
“So PTSD than?”  
“Likely” Shepard mumbled “I'm sorry I woke you up,”  
“I was awake already,” the asari replied as she opened up a cupboard and took out to portion sized packages of juice “I usually don't sleep next to people. So I woke up before you began trashing. Here, take some juice,”  
It was in an automated motion Shepard took the juice package and sipped on some juice.  
Orange. It tasted like home.  
“Sorry I'm such a mess,”  
“Meh, it was expected. You are after all only human, and you been put through a lot of shit during the last few years,”  
Aria was leaning on a kitchen bench slurping her own juice watching Shepard watchfully.  
“I want to hit something,” Shepard mumbled “I hate feeling like this. Weak and shitty,”  
“There is always something to hit on Omega,” Aria replied, her fingers dancing over a datapad “Seems like Kerns men haven't released the humans yet. Want to get your armor on and go with me to kill some slavers?”  
Shepard gave Aria a nod and they got dressed, got into their armor and checked their guns.  
It did make Shepard feel better, clasping on that armor, checking her weapons and having an objective in mind. It helped having Aria by her side, listening to her organizing her men and forming a plan of attack.  
It was nice to not be in charge. All she had to do was to get the hostages out, and kill as many bastards as she could. That was easy, it was fun.  
This was what she felt comfortable doing. What she was great at.


	3. Not returning calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so freaking long to post this!

Weeks went by, Shepard settled into the Omega routine. She handled some jobs for Aria that included people being yelled at or shot at, she negotiated a bit with people when Aria didn't have time. She spent some time with Zaeed drinking beer and enjoying his stories.

Most of the time it was going well, she enjoyed the rough culture of Omega. Everybody understood that a threat was a warning and if it wasn't headed bad things happened.

 

She was just heading back home after 'talking' sense into a pack of scums that had tried to sabotage the eezo mine when her omnitool, her new fancy omnitool, blinked and she saw an incoming call from Aria.

“Yes?” she asked and frowned when she saw Arias annoyed expression.

“Are you on your way back?”

“Yes, everything went smoothly. Put my fist in the face of their leader and explained that not everyone survives getting spaced, they won't cause any more problems,”

“Good,” Aria replied “You have guests waiting for you when you come home. I'll be at Afterlife,”

Shepard had no chance to ask who the guests were, Aria had already hung up.

It made Shepard nervous though. She had deliberately not gotten a new mail address or reached out to anybody but Zaeed since she had come to Omega.

Not to Garrus, Liara, Tali or anybody.

It probably was Liara, she was the Shadowbroker after all, and even with her resources greatly damaged by the war she probably could track Shepard down.

She prayed to all gods she knew of that it wasn't Joker.

How could she ever face him again? She had killed EDI. To save the galaxy sure but still... Joker had still lost EDI, they all had. But mostly Joker.

He had tried to visit when she had been at the medical center on Earth. She had always denied him visits, after a while he stopped trying. She didn't need to hear his accusations, to see his pain. She felt bad enough at it was. At the same time she felt frustrated, what should she have done? One person, one AI, was not worth the loss of the war. He probably wouldn't see it that way, or he would. He would understand, but it wouldn't help. He would still be angry at her.

People were always angry at her for not saving everybody. No matter how many she saved, they always blamed her for the dead.

 

 _Don't carry the weight of the dead_.

Andersson had told her that.

He was also dead now.

Him, and billions of others. And EDI.

What was one person, when a galaxy was at stake?

Nothing. One person was nothing.

 

She was a ball of nerves when she came back to the apartment, and entered with a feeling of dread that was almost ridiculous.

In the sofa sat Liara.

She didn't look pleased. Shepard sighed and sat down opposite to her former lover, still in armor.

“Aria said I had a guest. She didn't say it was the mighty Shadowbroker,” Shepard said, trying to ease the tension.

“Hello, Shepard,” Liara said in a cool almost frosty tone “We need to talk,”

“About what?”

“What are you doing here?” Liara asked “Living like a thug on Omega? You are much better than this. Admiral Hackett said that you have turned down a very good retirement plan from the Alliance, that you refuse to return calls and messages?”

“Well.. Let's just say I quit and they seem to have forgotten about it. I'm done. I was thinking that I might go to Thuchanka, but really, Omega suits me better. I can go visit Wrex and his kids on a vacation or something,”

Liaras eyes flashed with anger. Shepard didn't really understand why.

“What's the issue? Is there a galaxy-wide disaster that I need to rescue everybody from?”

“You can't just disappear,” Liara blurted out “You can't just drag us along through hell for three years and then when you have saved the galaxy go AWOL. There are people out there that care about you, people you have been ignoring,”

Shepard sighed and squirmed a bit. She didn't like being yelled at, especially not by someone she viewed as a friend.

“It's for the better,” she replied and saw Liara get even more upset.

“How? What is your reasoning for this?”

“I'm not the hero they want me to be, Liara,” Shepard sighed “The hero you want me to be. I'm not. I'm a thug. I bully people until I get my way, and... that is not what the galaxy need right now. I'm forged for war, not peace,”

Liara fell silent, her big blue eyes looked watery as if she was near tears and she mumbled;

“Yes, yes you are a bully. But Shepard, you are more than that. You have a great heart, you care and you sacrifice everything you have if you think it can help. And I did not come here to ask you to return to the Alliance. Even if I would prefer to see you with them than here. I came to tell you that your friends want to know what you are doing, how you are doing. Garrus wanted to come, but he is busy helping to rebuild Palavan, Wrex is on Thuchanka and Tali is on Rannoc doing the same. But we didn't just drop all our relationships because the war ended. We care for you,”

“Glad to hear that,” Shepard mumbled and sighed “So. Here I am. Alive, doing what I do best, with a woman I love. Great news for everybody. I'm going to get out of this armor now...”

She rose and walked towards the bedroom, she could hear Liara follow her.

“What does she have that I can't give you? I doubt it is good for you to be here Shepard. I know you spent your youth among criminals but...”

“She gets me, Liara,” Shepard replied and glanced back at the asari.

Before she had always thought Liara very impressive and with that old wisdom in her, she was after all over a century old. Now when she had spent so much time with Aria she realized how young the other asari was.

How naive she was.

“I know I'm more than some criminal orphan from Earth. I'm handling situations for Aria, and keeping things fairly clean around here.A few weeks we rescued a bunch of humans from batarian slavers, today I stopped some idiots sabotaging the Eezo mine. I can do stuff here. I'm not held back by people telling me what to do or how to do it. Aria doesn't want to change me, she gets it. You fell in love with a hero, with the first human Specter and the savior of the Citadel. I'm not that of a heroic person,”

“You cured the genophage,”

“Because Wrex is my friend and Eve is sensible. If it had been any other krogans I would have taken the dalatras deal without hesitation. Hell, Mordin was the one who convinced me that I should let him cure it in the end!”

“You are more than this,” Liara pleaded.

Shepard turned around and snapped;

“This isn't bad. Do you know what my least favorite thing was in the military? Red tape. It almost cost us the galaxy. I just want to live out the rest of my short human life without it. I want to be able to punch people in the face if they are fucking up or causing others harm, and this is where I can do that. I am sorry I haven't called or written or whatever, and tell the others that too but I can't... I can't right now. I need time to not be Shepard everybody’s savior. I just want to be me for a while, to get back whatever that is. I don't have a home to rebuild, I'm so done with Earth. I'm done with the Alliance and them trying to put me into a discrete corner so I will shut up and look good for the rest of my life,”

“I understand that,” Liara said but Shepard shook her head

“You don't. You think one has to be a bad person to enjoy Omega, to feel free here. I'm not. Zaeed is not. But I'm not cut out for life anywhere else, I'm a thug. A thug with a brain, impressive biotics and a sense of morals, but still a thug. You want more than that. You guys know me from three years of crazy. I... I did my best those years, and I really miss you guys and the Normandy, but this is the kind of place I want to retire in. If I get a mail address you can give to the others, will you accept this for now and leave? We won't get any more out of this, and you will start trashing Aria soon and that will just make me mad,”

“You don't even know her,”

“I do. Aria is a very easy person to get to know, Shadowbroker. I don't need to know all her secrets because she tells me like it is. I like that. Now, I'm going to get in the shower and change into slacks. I'll get in touch,”

“If you don't I'll come back” Liara muttered and Sheppard rolled her eyes.

She went into the bathroom, closed the door, undressed and got into the shower.

She felt like a horrible friend to snub Liara like that, but she didn't know what she was going to do?

 


	4. Chapter 4

Aria arrived home a few hours later and she glared at Shepard who sat slumped in the soda staring at a vid cast from the new citadel and it's construction.

“What did she want?” the asari asked her voice lined with jealousy

“To tell me what to do and who to be,” Shepard mumbled and glanced Arias way

“Bitch” Aria muttered as she disappeared into the kitchen “Just like her mother. Always meddling,”

“You knew her Mother?”

“For a while. Before she went insane and indoctrinated. She was a cunt. I am not surprised her baby grew up to be the Shadowbroker. Meddling fucks”

“Liara is fine… she is just.. Naive and wants to see things that...doesn't exist. She was upset that I haven't contacted the old crew and that I'm here and not...some hero,”

“You are a hero,” Aria muttered and came back with some beers “What? Does your multiple savings of the galaxy not count anymore?”

“She just expected me to… I don't know...spend the rest of my life as the Alliance poster child I guess”

“Well… excuse me but; Fuck her and her expectations. Here take a beer,”

Shepard took the beer and Aria sat down beside her switching the channel and sighing;

“Soo… did she leave on good terms with you? Are the two of you… good?”

“Don't be jealous. It is pointless and unfounded. I liked her like that. Once. She still likes her miscomprehended concept of Commander Shepard that way, but not me,”

Aria just glared, refusing to admit to the jealousy and Shepard just rolled her eyes and drank her beer.

Fine. If she wanted to pout she was allowed to. Shepard wasn't going to apologize for Liara dropping by, after all she had nothing to do with it.

On the screen in front of them reports on the process of re-building the galaxy flashed by and there was some kind of panel discussion on how to prepare for the future, and of what one should remember of the war.

Shepard frowned when she heard her name. It was a Salarian who uttered it, in a squeaky nervous voice;

“Then there is the issue of Shepard, and how she will be portrayed by history,”

“How is that an issue? She saved the galaxy,” the turian grunted “As I said, the Turian fleet,”

“It is more complex than that,” the salarian interrupted once more “She might have been instrumental to our eyes, but in hindsight, let us reflect on some of her decisions. Curing the Genophage might have looked like a good move then but there are already Krogans petitioning the Council for new Worlds and the latest numbers of births on Thuchunka is alarmingly high and to not speak of the ge...”

Aria had turned of the TV and Shepard noted that she had beer in her lap. And broken glass. Her hand was bleeding. She had crushed the bottle with her hand without even noticing.

“Fuck what they think,” Aria said and passed Shepard some cloth to wipe her pants with while Aria begun to pick up shards “They are idiots,”

“I will never get them,” Shepard said as she felt a rising urge to stop existing “They do this every time,”

“They always will,” Aria noted and locked Shepards eyes with her deep blue gaze “They fear us because we are Gods compared to them and their puny lives. They can not comprehend, hence they fear. It is the way of lesser people. That is why we rule our surroundings and they are slaves to others will. Do not bother yourself with their petty thoughts, they are not worth it,”

“...” Shepard sighed.

She wanted to argue, to protest and come with a compelling argument of the worthiness of all but as she stared into Arias eyes she saw centuries of putting up with this kind of bullshit, and she knew Aria was right.

War never changes, and neither does people.

The realization filled her with a bottomless bitter tasting darkness.

“I know,” Aria mumbled and kissed her “Wouldn't we all want them to realize that all they should feel is gratefulness, but they don't. As soon as they are safe they begin to squabble. Ask for more, criticize decisions they would never have had the guts to make. Screaming what ifs as if they were reality. All I have to say to help you and console you is this; _Fuck_ them. _Fuc_ k their opinions. You are a _goddess_ , and they are but worms in our world,”

She kissed Shepard. Deeply. That kind of kiss that make ones mind go blind and the world to disappear. Time stopped and for a moment there was nothing else in Shepards world.

Only Aria, and the asaris tongue gently forcing its way into her mouth intertwining with her own and that sweet slightly salty taste she now knew so well. The kiss broke as Shepard moaned and Aria softly, in a rare act of open genuine care, took her injured hand and pulled the lingering glass-shards out with biotics and sealed the wounds with medigel.

“Come,” she whispered as Shepards yearning eyes laid upon her timeless features “Tonight we will tare up Afterlife, in your honor,”

“I… I really don't dance,” Shepard mumbled, tumbling over her own words as her mind tried to focus on anything but Arias body.

“I'm taking that as a challenge,” Aria mused “In my experience all humans dance, you just have to pour enough alcohol into their systems,”

“I thought you said I wasn't allowed to dance until you had thought me,” Shepard reminded her partner with the hint of a wicked smile.

Aria shrugged and got up, walking towards the liqueur cabinet. It was more like a separate room for her alcohol.

“We will start here,” she answered as she swung open the doors “Stand up, Shepard, and feel the beat,”

As she ended her sentence that heavy throbbing beat of Afterlife filled the apartment and Shepard tried, miserably, to feel it. She thought she had it, but Arias skeptical eyebrow told her no. She had not felt the beat. Not the right one at least.

“Are you deaf?” Aria asked, her hips unconsciously already adapting and moving in a mesmerizing way.

She found the beat and the pulses of the music as natural as she breathed, for Shepard it was more like trying to see something blurry and gray in a thick fog. Not happening. At all.

“I thought I did okay,” Shepard muttered and Aria poured two shots for them each before grabbing Shepards hips forcing them to move with hers.

“I will make a dancer of you, Commander,” the asari growled with a twinkle in her eye “I have centuries if I need them to make you move like… By the Goddess woman! You move like a drunk krogan trying to walk through a doorway!”

Shepard shrugged and did her version of the robot, grinning at the way Aria cringed and then poured the shot down Shepards throat to later chug her own as fast as she could.

And on that way it went, Aria poured shots into their systems, tried to make Shepard move at least to the beat and a few hours later, with some very prominent black spots in her memory, Shepard found herself on the toilets of Afterlife with Anto holding her hair trying to direct his eyes anywhere but at the mess the former Commander was making around the toilet.

“...where the fuck am I?” Shepard gasped and he sighed.

“Afterlife. Seems Aria out drank you. Can you stand, Shepard?”

She crawled back up on her feet. It was a bit blurry but she would be fine. She just needed to take a few breaths and clear that rancid taste out of her mouth.

“H-have I been dancing?” her feet hurt and she realized she was wearing heals and a dress.

“Don't know if it qualifies as dancing among humans,” he replied in his usual short and honest tone.

She chuckled and took the glass of clear liquid he was holding, watching for an okay from him before she took a big sip and gurgled it.

It was water. How considerate of him.

“Thanks,” she said as she spit it out into the sink and he shrugged

“You seemed to have had enough alcohol,”

She could not do anything but agree and on somewhat unsteady feet she walked back with him to Arias both. Aria was up on a podium, dancing like Shepard had never seen her dance before.

It wasn't ordinary club-dancing, dancing to get a mate or attention. Aria was pouring out her soul by her movements. The others didn't seem to notice it, Anto just sat down turning back to a conversation he seemingly had left to tent to Shepard and nobody else of Arias inner circle paid much attention to the asari or her moves.

Shepard couldn't tear her eyes of her. As if in a trance she slid down on a sofa, her eyes following every sway of Arias hips and every move she did with her arms or back.

It was the most graceful but still powerful thing Shepard had ever seen outside of the battlefield. She wasn't a woman of the fine arts, and had never really got the whole going to an event just to watch dance thing. Aria on the other hand, Shepard could watch Aria do this for eternity.

The very core in Arias movements, every step she took, oozed of a primal strength and power that Shepard found it irresistible. The way she was twisting and turning, a part of the beat rather than moving to it. Her concentration was only broken as something cold and wet touched her hand and as she jerked to see what it was she noted that one of the Turian bartenders had come with a drink for her.

“...Sorry,” he said with a nervous glance in his eyes.

Shepard wondered why for a moment, then she realized her left hand had moved to where her gun usually was.

“Don't worry about it,” she muttered taking the drink and scowling to mask her embarrassment.

He scurried away, probably worrying about it, and as she looked back Aria was coming towards her with fire in her eyes. A warm sensual fire.

The asari plucked the drink out of Shepards hand and pushed her down further into her seat while straddling her and kissing her deeply. Her blue lips moved from Shepards over to her ear and neck making Shepard moan ever so slightly and she gasped as she heard the dark velvety words of Aria;

“Never allow me to drive you away, Shepard. I need you like I need air. Like Omega needs me,”

All that came after those words as a response from Shepard was a nervous laughter, and the tumbling words;

“Wow. What did I do that I don't remember?”

Aria smirked and slid down on the seat beside her kissing her lips softly.

“Nothing special. I just.. Needed to tell you,” her eyes then dimmed back to her calculating guarded self and she added “Keep it between us,”

“Of course,” Shepard answered, more comfortable when they were back to their ordinary selves “Soo...did I dance?”

The mere question made Aria laugh;

“Well you tried. And it is better than it was earlier this evening. I have no idea how you can be so stiff though. It is as if your hips just.. won't move in any other way than an awkward stiff square,”

Shepard felt her cheeks grow red and warm. Which frustrated her. She was usually fine with not being able to dance. She wore her weakness as an armor, as always. Aria laughing at it though… it felt different.

“Don't feel bad,” Aria mumbled as she saw Shepards cheeks grow red and her eyes black “Maybe your lack of swag is that flaw the Goddess had to put within you so you wouldn't be too perfect. And be sure of one thing, you don't need amazing moves to make me hot for you,”

“I don't care about stupid dancing,” Shepard pouted and then sighed and sipped on her drink “I mean… I'll be fine if I can just sit here and watch you. I've… never seen dancing like that before. Ever,”

Aria smirked

“Well… I am Aria T'loak. No mortal should have to compare to me. I have music in my blood. In my soul. This club, this _station_ is my life blood, a mere physical representation of the essence of my soul,”

Shepard smiled. She knew it to be true. As much as Aria was Omega, Omega was Aria. Without it she would be lost and without purpose. She had seen that panic glinting in Arias eyes when they had taken back Omega from Cerberus. She had seen the secret sigh of relief when Arias fingers once more touched the control panels in Afterlife. When Omega was hers again.

“I'll protect it,” Shepard said, taking Arias hand “I'll protect your heart and soul for as long as I can. I need you too,”

And to seal her promise she lifted their hands and placed a small kiss on Arias, and as she met Arias gaze something clicked between them. Their bond was different now. Stronger. Deeper.  


	5. Chapter 5

Guns were blazing, her ears ringing and adrenaline pumping. Close quarter combat. This was what made her feel alive. She swung around the post she was using for cover and put a few well-placed shots into the Vorchas trying to press forward. She could hear Zaeed barking orders further to her left which made her grin.

 

She was helping them take out a Vorcha riot in the lower levels. It was sanctioned by Aria and how could there be any better way of proving that sanction than to set Shepard down to do parts of the clean up?

 

She saw a Blue Sun enforcer trying his or her hands on heroics and to take out a portion of the hord by him or herself. It would be a blood bath. The Enforcer moved in too quick without the confidence to back it up. Rooky mistake.

Shepard focused her biotics and charged in about five meters to the left of the enforcer and slammed down a nova sending the vorcha flying all over the place.

The turian stared at her in awe and she acknowledged her, as she now could see it was a female turian, and calmly said;

“What's your name soldier?”

“Lana, Commander,”

“Cover my back, and I'll cover yours until they decide it's better to live another day,”

“Yes, commander!” the young turian replied and fell in line.

She was a good fighter, this enforcer. A bit to eager too prove it, that was all.

 

The fight lasted for another half hour, after that the vorchas moral was wrecked and they fled back from whatever hell hole they came from. Shooting some stragglers Shepard and Lana made their way back to Zaeed and his troops. The scarred mercenary glared at the young turian as soon as he saw her and marched over reloading his gun.

“What the fuck did you think that was, enforcer!?”

“I just saw a chance to take them out, and I took it,” the turian replied trying too sound tougher than she felt, and failing miserably.

“You should thank your sorry turian ass Shepard was there to pull you out! When I put you in a team I expect you to fight with that team, not go charging off on your own! You could have had your squad and yourself killed!”

“It worked out,” Shepard interjected wiping some vorcha of her shotgun “She learned. Won't do that again now will you, Lana?”

“No, Commander,” the turian mumbled and Zaeed glared at Shepard as if she in some way was at fault.

“Give me a count, Shepard,” he barked

“105,” she answered still inspecting her weapons “They went back into the vents. I'll talk to Aria. I'll think we need to send down a cleaning crew there soon. They are disorganized and should not be allowed to re-group,”

“Your right,” he grumbled “Fucking pests. Any intel from Aria on why they are acting up? On who is organizing them?”

“Nah. Nothing. The last one we caught to interrogate bit of his tongue and choked on his blood when we took a break. Aria is pissed, and she wants it dealt with,”

“I can't take my men down into the vents. They are too noisy, we will only get ambushed,”

She smirked. He was right. The Suns were too noisy to go down there. She wasn't.

“Want to do some hunting, old man?” she asked and he lit up like a supernova at the suggestion.

“I guess I could make time,” he mused eyes darting up to a ventilation shaft “Not the same as reapers though?”

“I'm fine with that. Some pest control is great for leisure,” she replied and he chuckled.

He told his men to keep an eye out for vorcha around the ventilation tunnels and filled up with thermo clips before he followed her into the darkness. They walked in silence for a few moments, listening for enemies, than she found him watching her with a strange look in his eye.

A content warm look.

“What?” she asked peeking around a corner.

“Nothing. You just seem to settle in well here,”

She shrugged and turned the corner.

“It's fine. I get to shoot stuff, no one is nagging me that I'm acting like a thug. It's like Earth, but without having to scrape by or being harassed by the cops or the other kids. I'm alpha now,”

“I have a hard time picturing anyone harassing you, at any age,” he mused.

Shepard didn't reply. She had no trouble remembering her childhood on earth. It had made her what she was today. That, and Torfan had been defining parts of her life.

Neither of them held particularly fond or warm memories.

“I enlisted to get away. Says something, doesn't it?” she muttered and he shrugged scanning the tunnel openings above them for vorcha

“Well, I'm glad you did. We would be reaper chow otherwise,”

It was her turn to shrug. She doubted that the galaxy would have come to an end just because she hadn't been a marine. She would have, but not the galaxy. Someone else would had been ordered to go to Edens Prime. Someone else would have pushed Alenko away from the beacon.

“Aria still treating you good?”

She frowned, thoroughly confused by the change of subject, and how that was any of his business.

“Would I be here otherwise?” she replied “We are good. We have rules now. I don't undermine her, she doesn’t undermine me. I don't run off in rage without armor, she doesn't force me to dance,”

He didn't comment, which was just as good. She had no idea where this conversation was heading.

They continued into the darkness, only seeing what the flashlights on their weapons allowed, listening for sounds alerting them of the presence of their enemy.

She prefered it this way. She wasn't a fan of talking. Zaeeds need to ask how she was doing made her uncomfortable. She didn't like it when people worried about her.

“...Heads up,” he hissed as the sound of feet and scraping claws came towards them and she gave him a nod to show she had heard it too before she pulled behind a corner and waited for them to come within range.

“Reward for Shepard Ganar promises,” a raspy high-pitched voice whispered

“Don't know. Shepard killed Ulag. Ulag was strong,”

“Ulag dumb. Have to be sneaky. We could feed everyone for years,”

Zaeed shot her a gaze and she shook her head, holding him back from attacking. She wanted to hear this.

“Shepard with Aria. Should not mess with Aria,” the other voice muttered and a frustrated hiss came from the first vorcha

“Coward brother! Aria not care! Ganar take care of us! Feed the babies!”

“Mess with Aria might kill babies. Not sure. Will keep quiet, but not fight,”

She sighed and glanced at Zaeed, motioning for him to cover her as she stepped out in front of the two vorchas and said;

“I suggest the two of you explain to me what Ganar is up to, or your babies will have to start and feed themselves soon,”

The two froze in mid step as they saw her, and who she could only assume was the feisty one moved his hand towards his weapon. He regretted that action as Zaeed stepped forward and gestured to him to stop.

“I would listen to the lady if I were you, scum,” Zaeed commented “Seems Ganar has lost his mind if he thinks he can take Omega,”

“Told you it was stupid” the more sensible vorcha muttered and glared at his brother “We want no fight. Only to feed babies,”

“Why don't you have food for them?” Shepard asked and the vorcha sighed

“We don't know. No food comes to market. No one comes. People moving to find food die. Aria must hate us,”

Shepard and Zaeed exchanged glances and she took a quick decision.

“What's your name, vorcha?”

“Gryll,” the sensible one replied “Brother is Bryll”

“Okay, Gryll. I'll go talk to Aria, find out why you have been cut off. Tell the others that the Blue Suns and I will shoot anyone who attacks anything, Ganar is using you as cannon fodder. Nothing more,”

“Will try. Most won't listen. Vorcha fight. Strength important,”

“Well those idiots will die,” she muttered “Walk away now, and Bryll. If I see you in the horde, I'll put a bullet in each eye. Don't be dumb,”

Bryll glared but followed his brother back with a defeated slump in his shoulders.

“Ain't that nice?” Zaeed scoffed “Blood Pack trying to promise vorcha a better life? Bet they are the ones stopping wares to come there,”

Shepard simply nodded;

“Aria needs to know about this. I'm going to tell her right now. Come along, she will want your men and firepower,”

He gave her a quiet nod and followed. Blood Pack was bad news. Sneaky Blood Pack even more so.


	6. Chapter 6

Aria raised that very skeptical eyebrow as Shepard and Zaeed gave their report and groaned as she flicked through her tablet looking at the numbers flying passed.

“Vorcha and the Bloodpack trying to take my station?”

“Kind of,” Shepard replied “Why are they cut off?”

“They aren't” the asari growled back “Of course they are not. It's not gone missing in the system. So I have a traitor in my midst. A Blood pack infiltrator too. Fucking great. Solve it and get back to me,”

“Was that an order?” Shepard grunted and rolled her eyes as Aria threw her a nasty look and muttered “I'll do it. Zaeed, coming with?”

“Always,” the mercenary replied and slapped her on the shoulder “Are we heading out right away?”

“Yeah, just as good. Don't want to keep the Queen waiting, do we?”

The sarcasm wasn't even hidden. A bottle smashed against the door frame as they left. Aria was irritated with Shepards lippy attitude. That was fine, Shepard was irritated with dealing with stupid mercs.

“Fine relationship,” Zaeed noted as they got into the elevator and Shepard glared at him.

He ignored the warning that glare was meant as.

“Aria is a fine Asari. Don't get me wrong. You two are peas in a pod. In my experience peas goes better with mash than other peas though. Especially when both peas are biotic warriors with attitude problems,”

“I'm not asking for advice. We are good,”

“Which is great. I'm just saying that when the shoot out happens when the two of you aren't good anymore, I'll be there having your back and screaming 'I told you so' through the gunfire,”

“Whatever makes you happy, old man,” she muttered and walked out a floor earlier than she had to heading towards a ventilation shaft.

He followed, now talking about some fiery relationship he had been in half a century ago. She didn't listen, she ripped the grate on the shaft open and slid down assault rifle pointing down prepared to shoot anyone beneath her.

They made their way down to the warehouse where the food was to be delivered from and Shepard glared at the poor foreman as she entered the office.

“Ms Shepard,” the Salarian whimpered “What can I do for you and our omnipotent Aria?”

“It is Commander,” she snapped before she realized that it wasn't and she looked around her with a snarl “Why aren't the lower levels being fed?”

“W-what?” he stammered “Everyone is being fed, C-commander. I wouldn't dare to disobey Aria,”

“Good lizard,” she muttered “Well, they aren't. And now we have a riot to deal with. Who handles the delivery down there?”

“...ehh..” the Salarian frantically started going through his paperwork and Shepard groaned as she realized this would take time.

“I'll go check the shuttles,” Zaeed mumbled and she gave him a quiet nod.

That might solve the issue faster than the Salarian finding anything in his bunches of paper.

“I-I am so sorry for the mess, Commander. We had a break in last night and... and well… I have been so busy going through the inventory..” he blathered and she gritted her teeth forcing herself to be patience with him.

“Find it. You have a traitor in your crew. If you don't find that traitor I'll drag your ass up to Aria and you can explain the situation to her,” she grunted after 5 more minutes of Salarian blather “We are going to search your warehouse for evidence while you sort that shit out,”

“Y-yes, Commander,”

She slammed the door as she exited and went down to the warehouse floor looking for Zaeed. She kind of hoped they would get to shoot someone up. It was good for releasing her tensions.

Zaeed was talking to some Turian workers as she arrived, she got a bit confused as a few of them saluted her as she marched in.

“Commander,” one of them said and she figured he was their leader.

Standing in the front and speaking and such…

“Yes?”

“Parts of the former Turian battle fleet, 84th regiment, reporting for duty,”

“I'm not military anymore,” she muttered

“Neither are we, officially,” the turian replied and she rose a skeptical eyebrow.

“Admiral Vakarian sends his regards, ma'm,” one of the others said and she felt a pang of guilt go through her heart and lungs.

“Why would he send military here?”

“We just arrived, ma'm,” the squad leader replied, glaring at the turian who had spoke up “We are a black ops team, need to know basis. Vakarian just said that you might be in need of us,”

“What is your squad name?” she asked with rising suspicion

“Archangel, ma'm,”

“Of fucking course,” she muttered while Zaeed started chuckling “Fucking Garrus,”

“We noticed you were dealing with the food shortage so we got ourselves employed here, assuming you would show,”

“Great. Listen. I do not need turian heroics. I suspect telling you to scram back to Palaven to help rebuild is futile?”

“We are soldiers, not builders, ma'm. And we have orders to assist,”

“Fine,” she groaned “Have you found out anything fruitful? The salarian is a mess,”

“Yes, there is a specific shuttle that go down to the Vorchas levels. It is better armored than the others, understandably. The driver wouldn't talk, but we have….persuaded him… to let us take his route tonight,”

“Good. We will come along,”

“Of course, ma'm. Now, the rest of you, get back to work! We need to keep up our cover!”

 

Shepard and Zaeed hopped into the shuttle and she grunted as she sat down on some of the crates in the cargo hold. Zaeed just watched her, in that old wise merc way she hated.

“You got friends,” he noted and she shot a warning glare at him.

“I know, I know,” he continued and sat down polishing his gun with the arm of his jacket “You hate them sneaking in like that, keeping an eye on you. You don't want to deal with the shit that is post-war feelings and they make it awfully hard because they won't let you just hide here avoiding any confrontation,”

“Shut up”

“Nah, I'll think I'll keep talking,”

“Zaeed”

“I get it. I can't say I can relate, because I have never killed an ancient race of AI's and most of all the other AI's and robots in the galaxy to save all the organics and civilization. I have however killed friends to save other friends. It is a shitty decision to have to make. Doesn't mean you can avoid it though or that others will hate you forever for it. You are a god damn hero, Shepard,”

“I'm a thug,” her voice broke as she said the words and she glared at him.

Blaming him for the tears that were obstructing her sight. He just watched her, and then turned back watching his gun. Giving her as much privacy he could and still stay.

“Yeah, you are. We both are,” he agreed after a pause that felt like it took forever “And I'm sure Joker will break every bone in his hands punching you when he gets close to you again. I'm sure all the Geth knew what you had done before they seized to exist. I know that in a few years when things will be stable again and people will have time on their hands they will start calling what you did genocide. They will forget that it saved them. They always do. Doesn't mean that what you did wasn't the right thing, though,”

“I… I don't give a fuck about what people think,” she mumbled furiously wiping tears off her face “But...”

She looked at him. Wanted him to end her sentence because she didn't want to say it. He didn't, he just watched her and waited for her to find the words. To find the courage to say it.

“I can't look them in the eye. Not my friends. Not… Joker… They were people. They were as alive as you and me. There is no difference. I just had to choose. There was no right. Only different versions of wrong. I did my job. I did what I was set out to do. I couldn't kill the Reapers and save EDI,”

“We know,” Zaeed replied calmly “All who know you, Shepard, we know. It's war. I know people don't like thinking of stuff like that, but this is what war is. Killing a lot of innocent people to get the enemy. A hell of a lot more people would be dead if you hadn't made a decision. It's your decision who you spend the rest of your life with. I'm just an old fart that likes you and want you to be surrounded by friends,”

“I...” she sighed and moved over to the crate next to him, sniveling and feeling a lot less bad ass than she used to feel “...fuck… I don't know how to do that. My friends always die. I… this is the first time I've won a fight and people try to find me and… shit… afterwards. Before I just … ended up the sole survivor and moved on to a new place,”

He nodded and gave her a pat on the shoulder.

“You'll get the hang of it. Let Joker scream and punch you a bit for killing his girlfriend and he will come around. The others… They are already there for you, waiting in the shadows for you to let them come close again,”

“I'm just… I mean they are rebuilding their lives. I'm… in a cargo hold waiting to shoot up Blood pack,”

“We all do what we do best,” he smiled “Look at me, I'm in this cargo hold too, am I not?”

It made her laugh a bit and she looked around them, chuckling of the thought of two of the deadliest soldiers in the galaxy sitting in a cargo hold running security.


	7. Chapter 7

The shuttle came to a low hum after a few hours. Shepard and Zaeed had fallen back to play scissor paper rock the last hour before that, so they were both glad for anything happening. The turian squad leader scooted back to them in the hold as the shuttle lifted off the ground and started moving.

“Any more intel?” she asked and the turian sighed and shook his head

“No, the pilot didn't give up any more information,”

“Will he be able to warn his comrades?” she asked and the turian shook his head

“No, ma'm. He won't be talking at all. Ever again,”

“Fair enough,” she muttered “This is Blood Pack we are dealing with, but it is far more sneaky than usual Blood Pack. I'd expect a turian or human leading this kind of operation,”

“Turians wouldn't starve a population to make them rebel,” the soldier protested and she scoffed but Zaeed beat her to the punchline;

“Turians made a whole race sterile and planted a bomb on their planet just in case they wouldn't die quietly enough on their own, soldier,”

“Lieutenant,” the soldier muttered “And the krogans needed to be dealt with, and it was mostly salarians who did the… genophage thing,”

“I won't fucking argue about this,” Shepard snarled “I cured that shit, I lost one of the best people I've ever known curing it. It doesn't matter who did what, what matters is who is doing this,”

“Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry if I offended,”

“Don't kid yourself, kid,” Zaeed chuckled “If she was offended you'd be kneeling in a pool of your own blood right about now,”

If turians could have grown pale as humans did out of fear, this one would have. Now his eyes and mandibles just twitched a bit.

“We are suspecting heavy resistance,” he mumbled after collecting himself again and Shepard felt a grin come over her face,

“Don't we always? It's Omega after all, and we are dealing with Blood Pack. Just let me head in first, sometimes people reconsider their attack plan when they realize they are going to go up against Commander Shepard,”

“I-I don't know, ma'am. We will do as ordered, of course, but… should you really do that? It is very dangerous,”

“Son,” Zaeed said slapping the turian across his soldier “You're talking to Commander Shepard. If she drove up armed and ready to your turf telling you to fuck off, what would you do?”

“I'd fuck off, sir,”

“'cause you are a sensible turian. Anyone in their right mind does as she tells them to,”

“And if they shoot me, just tell Garrus they are far better at aiming than he ever was,” Shepard grinned as the shuttle came to a stop and she slid up the shuttle doors and jumped out.

 

They were in a cramped alleyway, the shuttles path blocked by a very impressive looking tank. How they had gotten it down there she would never now. She didn't care much either. Loading the shotgun she walked up to the blockade and shouted;

“So who is the son of a bitch that I need to talk to here?”

“That would be me,” a krogan stepped forward, the smug look on his face and a swag that pissed her off just looking at him.

“Good. You take your Blood Pack off Omega, now, or I'll make sure your testicles won't be producing any fucking offspring despite me curing the genophage,” she barked at him.

The krogan just laughed and stepped up to her, peering down at her with no respect or inclination that he was going to do as she said.

“I don't take orders from lapdogs,” he mused and Shepard headbutted him so hard that he took a few steps back.

“And I don't take shit from assholes,” she replied putting her gun to his face, “I told you to scram,”

“I am not...”

The krogan never finished that sentence. He never said anything ever again. Shepard shot him in the face, glaring up at the crowd that had gathered.

“Listen up,” she roared at them “Aria and I have no beef with the Blood Pack, or we didn't at least. If you value your fucking lives you will stop pushing for this fight. We will hunt you down if you continue. If you fuck with Omega, you are fucking with us. That is against the only fucking rule here. I've killed beings powerful enough to be Gods, hunting down vermin like you will seriously piss me off! Get the fuck off this station, or I'll kick you off!”

There was silence. The turians came up behind her, Zaeed covered her right flank, the Blood Pack members staring down at them.

“Seems like they won't fuck off,” Zaeed mumbled and she nodded.

“This… that was very krogan diplomacy,” the turian lieutenant mumbled “Maybe they… are just in shock?”

A shot rang out, bouncing of Shepards shields and that grin came back on her face.

“Nah,” she chuckled “They were just waiting for me to turn my back. Now the fun begins,”

She didn't even think, she just acted. Charge, Nova, Shockwave, shoot. Rinse and repeat. Put the omniblade through those who came close enough. Pull those who tried to escape back into the fight. Blood, guts and gore everywhere. Shots ringing in her ears and bouncing off her shields.

“Stand back,” a deep voice rang through the alleyway, those few poor cowards that had managed to stay at the fringes of the fight obeyed.

Finally, Shepard thought, Finally, the leader showed him or herself.

“Took you long enough, I nearly thought you'd let me slaughter all of your men while you ran,” She scoffed as she turned her eyes towards where the voice came from.

“I'd hate for them to take you out, when I could have my vengeance myself,” the voice replied and from the height of a nearby building a krogan dropped.

He looked young and angry.

“Ganar, I assume?” she grinned and he gave her a grim nod

“You killed my father,”

“Your father tried to kill me so… To be fair he had a gunship, I only had guns and a few friends,”

“Doesn't matter to me,” the young krogan muttered “I'll reclaim the Bloodpack by killing you and taking over Omega. I'll show I'm stronger than he ever was. I'll show Tuchanka what happens when you mess with me and my family,”

“Oh boy,” she sighed “Listen.. Wrex isn't really going to take a brat like you serious,”

“You taunt me,” he noted keeping very cool for a krogan “But you will not get the satisfaction of making me berserk on you. I will kill you and your troops like I've killed all that have stood before me in the past. Calm, and collected. Ripping you to pieces bit by bit,”

“Lots of talk from a very little krogan,” Shepard scoffed and placed a shot by his feet “I gave your men the option to get the hell of this station before I fought them, giving you the same offer now,”

“Not going to happen,” Ganar grinned and Shepard shrugged.

It was always painful fighting one-on-one with a krogan, but sometimes you had no choice. She charged him, and even though he fought different from any other krogan she had fought he was still krogan. Self-control is a relative concept with them, as well as with Shepard. After a few rounds into his body he let loose like all of his kind did. It hurt, as he tackled her and flung her into walls and as she like a bull charged right back at him flinging him back into another.

That all too familiar taste of blood in her mouth. Adrenaline pumping. The scoffing from the krogan, calling her a puny human. That crushing pain when he stomped on her ribcage and a worrying cracking noise before she hit him with a biotic slam sending him flying and got back on her feet, a bit wobbly.

“This is shit,” she muttered and unstrapped a few of her grenades and lobbed them at him while she pulled him down with her bionics.

He looked shocked as he blew into pieces. Maybe he had expected honor from her, to fight him to the death one on one without dirty tricks. That was however not how one survived. She had learned that a long time ago.

With the upstart krogan dead, she turned to the few still living off the Blood Pack, spat out some blood to clear her mouth and growled.

“Now, the rest of you will get the food you kept from the vorcha to them, make a good god damn apology and get the hell off Omega!”

They scurried like frightened vermin to escape her wrath and obey. The turian soldiers just stared at her and Zaeed took two quick steps to her side giving her his arm to lean on as she felt the pain kick in.

“I know, I know, it is one thing to hear about Commander Shepard and another to see her in action” she groaned as the turian lieutenant stepped forward “Get the shuttle ready to get us up to Afterlife. Zaeed, some medi-gel?”

“It's coming,” the merc promised and she breathed a sigh of relief as she could feel it dispatch through out her body mending the bones the krogan had smashed.

“That was fun,” she grinned through the discomfort “I should go to Tuchanka for vacation. It was far too long since I got my ribs smashed by a krogan,”

Zaeed wasn't smiling. He looked like a worried dad. Not that she really knew what that looked like, but Anderson often had given her the same scowl when she had come winning out of a risky situation.

“Come on, no time to dally,” Zaeed muttered instead and heaved her arm around his shoulder helping her to the shuttle.

“I've had worse, I can walk,” she continued, a bit giddy because of the painkillers he had sent into her blood stream “Did you see me when they picked me up from the citadel? I was a mess. Or when I died? Miranda said I looked more like a piece of quick frozen meat than me when she picked me up,”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up and get in the shuttle,”


	8. Chapter 8

Shepard grinned badly as she sank down into the couch still sore from the fight looking at Aria pacing back and forward.

“So they wanted to take Omega?

“Yup”

“This Ganar fuck-face wanted to take my station?”

“Yup”

“But you killed him”

“Yup, and told his minions to get the food out to the vorchas. The problem should be solved. Oh I told them to get the hell off Omega too,”

“Good. We should have them captured and strung up on the fucking marketplace to show what I do with shitfaced gangs messing with my station,”

“Or you know… let them run back to the Blood Pack and tell them that we will fuck them up if they mess with us,”

Aria took a few deep breaths and glared one last time at the slightly high Shepard in her couch.

“And you took on two krogans one-on-one?”

“Well. I headbutted and then shot the fist one in the face when he was monologuing and the other one I fought as in actually fought as in he stepped on my ribs, we threw each other around and I blew him up kind of way,”

Aria looked amused and walked over, sitting down next to Shepard.

“You are insane,”

“Probably. Lots of people say that so it is probably true,”

“The turians seemed impressed,”

“They are quite easy to impress, though, Zaeed was mad. He is so weird. Like… he cares,”

“That's weird?”

Shepard sighed and leaned back staring up at the ceiling

“Yeah. He.. I don't know. It's just the way he… I don't know. It's bullshit,”

“Whatever” Aria muttered and patted Shepard on her knee “Do you want something to drink? You probably should get some rest. You look like hell,”

“Been through worse,”

“Well considering you been declared dead two times that says absolutely nothing about your condition” Aria snorted and started pouring Shepard a drink “Are the turians going to stay?”

“I don't know. I guess. Garrus seems to believe I need them. Fuck if I know why,”

“He is turian. It's his way of caring,” Aria replied and shoved the drink in Shepards hand “I don't like it,”

“I'll tell them to go home then. They will probably stay anyway but in the shadows, if they live up to their name in the slightest,”

“Fucking Archangel,” Aria scoffed “Do you know how much he cost me?”

“But if I hadn't gotten there to get him I wouldn't have found their conspiracy to take on you, right?”

“I… He had nothing to do with that. And if they had.. well three gangs less in the sector,”

“I like you when you get all dark and murderous,” Shepard mused and sipped on her drink “This is strong,”

“Yeah. I am meaning to get you very drunk fast and get you to bed. It is a high-calorie drink so it should help you mend. That is how you humans work right? With the biotics. You use the energy in your food to convert into biotics and that's why you get so cranky and weak when you are hungry?”

“I don't get weak,”

“You almost fainted a few days ago because you decided to skip your nighttime snack and then go showing off to Anto and Preitor without eating breakfast,”

“I was… sure.. fine… this is tasty,”

“It's mostly sugar, some fruit things from earth and alcohol,”

“I like it. We should sell it in the club, call it the Shepard. This is my favorite drink on the Ci.. Omega,”

Aria smiled and shook her head at her more and more silly and tipsy partner and sighed as Shepard tried to stand, stepping in to aid the hero with her balance.

“Sure. I'll tell them to change the name. Are you sure you want your name on a fruity sweet drink meant for teenagers to get pissed on? I figured you'd want something that almost no one can handle named after you,”

“Like me,” Shepard grinned and locked her arms around Aria in a sloppy hug “I'm...h-have I told you how happy you make me?”

“Oh Goddess give me strength,” Aria muttered and swept Shepard of her feet starting to carry the Commander towards the bedroom.

“I...I never have felt at home like this.. except on the Normandy.. the Normandy was home… and here. You are home… I like having a home… I…” Shepard felt herself stumbling down a dark line of thought and her eyes mysteriously becoming watery “Don't die, Aria..”

“What?” the asari who had been busy trying to get Shepard out of her clothes stopped and turned her eyes to Shepards drunk watery eyes “I'm not dying. Are you… ah… Shep. Stop. Go to sleep,”

“Everyone I love dies… if they like me back. Don't like me back. You'll die,”

“That is nonsenses. You are drunk and high. Help me get your shirt off and go to sleep,”

“Andersson died… He… he always did good by me… He gave me his home on the Citadel…. And.. I told Sahnders I'll get him back to her. I failed. He...and… I...”

Aria grunted as she turned the increasingly sobbing Shepard over to loosen up her bra and muttered.

“This is my test. Goddess why did I get her drunk? This is my test. Shepard, people die. He was a soldier. On Earth. During the Invasion. He did a bloody good job before dying. I get that you are sad but… Others killing people isn't your fault. You know this,”

“And EDI,” Shepard whispered “I...I killed her.. and all the geth…”

“It was that or letting the reapers win,”

“I am so sorry Jeff,”

“I'm not...urgh… please go to sleep? We will deal with all your guilt when you are sober,”

“And Mordin… He didn't have to die...”

“He was a… I'm not doing this, okay? Go. To. Sleep,”

“I'm sorry…”

Aria sighed a deep sigh and laid down beside Shepard wrapping her in her arms mumbling;

“Don't get sad, Shep, get mad,”

Shepard didn't respond, she just curled up into a ball pressed against Arias body quietly letting out a sob or two. Aria just sighed and held her lover, it had been years, maybe centuries, since she had a drunken breakdown like this but she could empathize. She wasn't a monster.

Shepard had preferred not to wake up the next day. Her head was pounding and her mouth felt dry as sandpaper as she rolled to the edge of the bed to try and reach some type of container she could dry heave into.

Aria lifted her head up as she swept in and put a trashcan next to Shepard and put a water bottle in her hand.

“Feeling better?”

“No”

“Drink up, take a shower, get dressed. Preitor called, apparently those turians were just a scouting party. We have guests incoming,”

“W-what?”

“Get. UP,”

“Yeah! Yeah! I'm moving,” she muttered stumbling up out of the bed and chugging the water, apparently laced with sugar judging by the taste.

Aria wasn't looking too pleased and shoved a set of clothes into Shepards hands as the human reached the bathroom.

“I'm going to Afterlife. Deal with your shit, Shepard. I'm not one for surprise parties if I'm not planning them,”

“Okay,”

Shepard wasn't really clear on what was going on but if Aria was mad it probably would involve gunfire or regulations, so she took a quick shower, got dressed and slipped her holster on under her jacket. She trusted that if Aria didn't figure she'd need armor she wouldn't.

Preitor was waiting for her outside of the apartment. The turian looked nervous.

“What's up?”

“They are arriving at docking bay 3, Shepard. Aria won't be joining us?”

“Nope. Just me dealing with my shit apparently,”

“Huh,”

She didn't question his surprise or anticipation. What his deal was didn't really matter. Nobody seemed to be sure what was going on, that was at least her assumption since Preitor didn't give her any more information on the arrivals as they headed for the docking bay.

Her only wish was that it wasn't Cerberus or that kind of shit. The last thing she needed at the moment was old ghosts coming to haunt her.

 

She wasn't prepared for what met her at that docking bay. Not in the least. One moment she was standing there impatient and annoyed with Preitor and some other of Arias henchmen. The next moment she was frozen in what she could only describe as fear.

The docking gate opened and she stared at the entourage coming out from the decontamination area.

A turian and krogan. Slightly behind them a human.

Joker.

She could hear herself utter a few curses, but she didn't turn around. She didn't run. She couldn't. Arias men were there. She couldn't seem weak in front of them.

“You got this, Shepard?” Preitor asked and she gruffed back

“Of course,”

Arias men left, going to more important jobs. Shepard stood there, staring at Joker and feeling her lungs become tighter and tighter.

“Shepard,” Grunt was the first one to approach her and gave her a big hug.

She patted the krogan on the back, still staring at Joker.

“Sorry for the surprise,” Garrus said with a nervous laugh giving her shoulder a slap “We didn't want you to run you know,”

She didn't reply. Her throat felt as dry as it had when she woke up. Maybe worse.

Jokers eyes were dark, filled with anger, betrayal and grief.

“Jeff...” she mumbled taking a hesitant step towards him

He was tearing up, staring at her but still silent.

“Come on, Joker,” Grunt muttered just to be hushed by Garrus.

“We will… go ahead,” the turian said, “Zaeed said he had a new rifle he wanted me to check out,”

“Rifles are for pussies,” Grunt scoffed

“Well, why don't you tell him that,” Garrus replied leading the krogan into the station.

She wished she was dead. Again. Staring at Jokers face was a thing she had tried to avoid ever since she had regained consciousness.

“You killed her,” he whispered with a trembling voice

“I had to. The reapers...”

“She was our friend. Legion was our friend too. And you just...”

“W...” she was so close to arguing with him, but she couldn't.

She just stood there silent, shoulders slumped and eyes at his feet.

“I broke every order Hackett gave me to get to you,” he continued, voice raising “It almost blew us all out of the sky without EDI to guide us but I got us down there and got you to Chakwas. They said you were dead but I refused. I… You live because of me and you refuse to see me!? How many times have I saved your ass!? And you...”

“I'm sorry,” she whispered

“Sorry!?” he was screaming now.

She felt so small.

“Sorry!? Sorry won't bring anybody back! Sorry won't… You owe me!”

“I know” her voice was desperate “I know, Jeff. I… why do you think I couldn't see you? I know what I did! I… I let you all down,”

Tears landed on the floor. Her tears. Joker froze, staring at her, suddenly uncertain.

“Aren't… aren't you going to give me some speech about.. stuff?” he asked and she shook her head holding back  even more tears “Don't… You can't cry! Shepard doesn't cry!”

“Well fuck me,” she muttered “I'm crying. I… fucked up. I was supposed to save everybody and… I couldn't. Not EDI, not Legion, not Andersson. And… I shouldn't be here, Joker. I...”

She looked up at him, drying her tears and fighting with every wall she had ever built up inside of her.

“I'm… so sorry… I can't say more than that. I… couldn't face you. Anybody but you,”

“But why? I thought I was your friend,”

“My best friend,” she sniffled “And I killed your girlfriend. It… I can't deal with that… not with you hating me,”

“You are an idiot” he sighed and rubbed his neck with a sigh “A bigger idiot than me. I… I'm mad at you. I don't hate you. I… I'm angry… for you just disappearing on me again. It wasn't supposed to be like this, Shepard. We were going to kick the reapers ass and then live happily ever after,”

“I know,” she whispered “I..”

“You didn't fuck up. You… I know you did what you had to do. You always do. It's just that… this time I saved you… and you pay me back by just… disappearing. Leaving me alone with all this shit...”

“I...I had to” she mumbled “… I mean… I don't do...I can't talk.. I'm shitty on friendship stuff like this… Do you want to hit me? Will that help? Here take my gun, shot me. Shooting things help,”

“I'm not shooting you,” he mumbled staring at the gun she had pushed into his hand “I'll just… yeah.. hitting you might help. Do you have medigel? I'll break my hands if I hit you,”

She nodded, a bit excited of the prospect of being able to have him deal with this in a way she understood and felt comfortable with.

“Like.. that thing you did with Vega. That's good, right?” Joker asked putting her gun on a nearby barrel “It looked cool anyway. So… I just.. swing at you and tell you why I'm mad?”

“Something like that,” she replied

“Don't hit me back. I might die,”

“I'll just block you then? A bit. Not here though… we'll go somewhere private,”

He gave her a nod and they begun an awkward walk to one of the cargo holds that for the moment weren't being used. Well inside and with the door closed and the security camera bypassed she turned to Joker and said;

“Come at me,”

He did. Hesitant at first but as she dodged the first swings she could see that he was getting into it. A few swings later he was on track. Still not getting her, but he was getting frustrated and the words started spilling out.

“I don't get you,” he muttered trying to hit her once more “You just… kick ass, saves people and then either die or almost die or disappear. You get all buddy buddy with us all and just leaves to do what… Be a pet for Aria and shoot mercs now and again? Andersons last words to me were to take care of you. Of you! And you know that, and still you just… blow me off like I'm some kind of annoying stalker when I come to visit you in the hospital! They didn't even let me in! Because you told them to!”

She feigned another dodge allowing him to hit her and saw him flinch from the pain. He was putting some strength into those punches.

“I thought that was best,” she replied locking eyes with him, a bit more comfortable now when there was hitting involved, “I couldn't save your family, I couldn't save EDI, I couldn't save him. What was I to say to you?”

“We fucking got them?” he suggested missing her again “At least we got each other, Joker? Thanks for getting me out?”

She was surprised when he got her with a real punch, one she hadn't planned to let land on her.

“Maybe I didn't want you to,” she let slip in a low growl and she saw his eyes grow more narrow.

“You wanted to die? That's it? That's what you are doing here? Killing yourself? Screw that, Shepard!”

“I'm not killing myself… But maybe it would have been better. Everybody got to keep their image of Commander Shepard the hero if I had died. No one had to...” she clinched her jaw and glared at him

“Say it,” he growled

“I'm a thug. I kill stuff. It is what I do. It was great then, Joker, but now the world need builders. People who heal and mend and build. I don't do that. I can't even hold on to my friends because I don't… This is where I belong. The only god damn reason I ever became some kind of hero to anybody was because there was a need for a lot of killing and shit getting done. I'm… I'm a fraud...”

He paused and gave her an angry look.

“No. You're not. You are right, you would be terrible at colonizing, if we weren't colonizing krogan planets. I'd think you'd do great there, but yeah. So what? I spent years by your side Shepard. You… don't you dare think that you would have been better of dead on that station. You are a hero, no matter if you believe it or not. I know you! You are a jackass, a thug and the god damn it Shepard, you are one of the best persons I've ever met!”

She caught his hand as it cam flying towards her face and pushed him up against a wall.

“Fuck it,” she growled “You are worse than Liara,”

“What?” he spat back “You get mad when people see the good in you just because you can't? Fuck it, if you want to be here, fine! But do not pretend that I don't exist! We have been through too much for you to treat me like that!”

“Fine” she snarled and released him, just the catch him again since she seemed to have broken something in him “Bloody hell Joker! Are you okay?”

“No,” he panted holding on to her as she distributed medigel “But it's better now… We won't do this again. I'll write you an angry letter next time you piss me off. This was a horrible idea. How does Vega do it?”

“I didn't even hit you,”

“Fucking hell,” he groaned “It didn't hurt this much a moment ago,”

“Adrenaline,” she explained “That's how I get through the day,”

“You are a crazy person,” he concluded and she shrugged getting misty eyed when he added “My best friend crazy person. Do not ever blow me off because you are scared okay? I'll hunt you down, Shepard! I am the invincible Joker, no one can hide from me,”

“Roger that, sir,” she smiled as he rustled her hair.

“I'm not leaving you alone,” he promised and she bit her lip looking up at him sitting at a barrel in immense pain trying to cheer her up “Shepard and Joker, we are a team,”


End file.
